My Resting Face is Annoyed

I was in a meeting one day, concentrating on the conversation and complexity of what was being discussed. It was a serious subject afterall. Then, out of the blue, one of my peers said, "you don't have to get angry about it."

I looked up, startled by the comment and said, "are you talking to me? I'm not angry, I'm just thinking."

"Oh, he said. Your face, you look angry."

"Well, maybe that's just the way I look when I'm focused" I replied.

After that interaction, I started paying more attention to what my face might be conveying. I didn't want people to think I was angry when I wasn't But I wasn't entirely sure I was going to generate enough self-awareness of what my face was doing if I couldn't actually observe myself all the time.

Then COVID came, and like everyone else, I suddenly got the chance to see myself all the time. I saw the way my face would go blank or I would scrunch up my nose at something. I saw how I looked frustrated or irritated on camera (self-view on) when I was not actually feeling either in the moment.

I started paying attention to other people and I noticed something they were doing, that I was not. At least not a lot.

I was not smiling. Turns out my resting face is not a smiley one. My resting face is annoyed. But I am not necessarily feeling annoyed, it's just what I look like. So the question is do I try to smile more, even though that is literally putting on a face, or do I just keep my current face as is, and tell people I am not annoyed when they ask?

But why would someone just assume I AM annoyed, even though other behaviors are not validating that assumption. Is it because I tend to be quieter in meetings, preferring to listen than speak? Is it because I communicate more frequently through writing than talking?

You see, I'm an introvert. And one of the myths of being introverted is we don't like people. Or we want to focus more on outcomes than people. Don't get me wrong, I am definitely focused on outcomes, much of the time. But usually because I want to get the best outcomes FOR people. Plus it's how I concentrate. It's how I produce good work.

It's true we need to pay attention to body language and think about what that conveys to others. It's also true that we should all use as much data as we can when making assumptions about others. Take into account the words spoken or written, or both, and the expressions on faces, the way someone is holding their body (stiff, relaxed, ready to leave the room, etc.). We would be better off if we took the collective data and came to a conclusion, following up by checking to see if our conclusions are accurate.

And yes, I suppose I could smile more. :)